DAYTONA BEACH, FL— Nothing warms Jill Biden’s heart quite like seeing her husband slowly fall down a flight of stairs. And we all know her love language is watching the fictional president roll his bike to a complete stop, forget how to balance, and fall over like a sack of potatoes.
But when the gifted doctor saw Joe make a 90-minute not-so-bright gaze while speaking another language on national television, she was not turned on in the slightest.
Because of this, Jill has decided to end the cheap-fake rumors that her husband is a ‘clinically retarded vegetable’ and has enrolled Joe Biden into ESPN’s Summer X-Games.
“Americans need to know he’s not frail or weak. Therefore, he will participate in the most dangerous X-Games competitions, or I’ll put a bar of soap in a sock and smack him right over the hea–I mean, this is what Joe decided to do,” the great doctor explained.
Biden was thrilled to participate, but that was mostly because he mistakenly heard he was going to ‘do the sex games.’
As he wobbled his bike towards the treacherous thirty-foot half pipe, the plan seemed to be working. His approval rating ticked up for a brief moment.
A moment later, his favorability actually rose again as Joe rolled down the ramp, and he shot up twenty-five feet into the air.
But when his bike slowly drifted out from under his infamous crotch, and Americans saw a frightened Biden making a panicked doggie-paddle motion, trying to steady himself in mid-air, they became disenchanted with the old man yet again.
Finally, when the public saw Joe splat on the ground like a starfish, his approval rating was back to a dismal 21%.
“This was not good. We need to play this whole thing off as a joke,” a White House staffer was overheard saying. “But hell, it might work–We’ve never seen Jill laugh this hard before.”
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