As the nation scrambles to learn what a short squeeze is, Joe Biden is also demanding answers. “You guys told me no one was allowed to short squeeze!” Joe was heard screaming in the oval office. “But now Robin Hood is running around squeezing the Reddit kids? You guys know how badly I wanted to…
Category: Biden
Biden: 'Coin-Operated Horsey Rides To Become Primary Source Of Transportation'
Joe Biden made headlines Friday when he explained that once his climate policies are fully enacted, the dominant source of transportation would be the coin-operated horsey ride. “Joe Biden has given this a great deal of thought. Nearly a minute,” Press Secretary Jen Psaki said. “And when you look at how clean, efficient, and frankly…
Biden Suggests Pipeline Workers Learn To Blow Into Windmills
Now that the ridiculous Keystone XL Pipeline is out of the way, Biden’s $91 trillion energy initiative can begin. The plan will reach net-zero emissions by 2023 or else he will call it racist. His administration has asked the pipeline workers for a compromise. “I satisfy the environmentalist and they stop earning a living,”…
Joe Biden Condemns Stop-and-Frisk, Proposes The More Efficient “Frisk”
In an effort to not look like a dictator, Joe Biden is spending the day signing another 400 executive orders. And he’s particularly focused on tackling the stop-and-frisk issue. “I believe the practice of detaining, questioning, and molesting civilians is completely ridiculous,” Biden explained. “It’s classic bloated government. Why not skip straight to the fun…
Joe Biden Has Outstanding Week Of Going Potty In The Toilet
After a lot of good tries, Joe Biden was able to string together a banner week of going potty in the toilet all by himself, press secretary Jen Psaki announced. “As you can see, our great President is having an unparalleled run of competency of going potty,” Psaki said, pointing to a colorful graph. “Send…