As the nation scrambles to learn what a short squeeze is, Joe Biden is also demanding answers.
“You guys told me no one was allowed to short squeeze!” Joe was heard screaming in the oval office. “But now Robin Hood is running around squeezing the Reddit kids? You guys know how badly I wanted to do that! What else are you lying about? You know what? Bring me all the Shriners kids!”
White House staff, desperate to calm Biden, began explaining a short squeeze is a legal stock market strategy and not a green-light for molesting short people. But Biden wasn’t buying it.
“I assume all of Hunter’s international bribery and drunk driving was legal too?” he screamed. “I can’t believe I fell for your lies.”
Unable to reign the President in, Biden quickly grabbed a crayon and began scribbling on an IHOP menu. “Here’s my next executive order!” Biden yelled holding up the paper. “I hereby demand two dozen short people immediately report to the oval office. If Wall Street cannot be contained—than neither will I. Let the short squeezing begin!”
In related news, the complexity of the GameStop phenomenon has the media frozen with uncertainty. CNN has pulled their signal entirely until they can figure out who to call racist.