Minneapolis, MN– Proud American and grateful immigrant, Ilhan Omar is being widely questioned after saying she feels her biological brothers only disagree with her because they want to marry her. Her comments came as the Omar gang piled into the family station wagon after visiting the George Floyd memorial. “No, Ahmed! You had the front…
Category: World & Weather
Biden Tells Press ‘Amish Are To Blame For USA Losing World War II’
WASHINGTON, D.C.– The pressure to place Joe Biden into a medically induced coma reached a level on Monday after the fictional president went on an angry rant blaming the Amish for costing America victory in World War II. “And don’t get me started on the Amish!” a fuming Biden began. “America was so close to…
Needing To Kill Russians Without Firing A Shot, Biden Asks Alec Baldwin To Go To Ukraine
WASHINGTON, D.C.– The White House is sending Alec ‘Hot Shot’ Baldwin to Ukraine after the administration decided they need to conquer Russia, without actually firing a weapon. “Allen! It’s me! Jill’s first lady’s brother, Joe Baldwin!” Biden began his call to the actor. “I need you on the first train to Ukraine! And pack your magic trigger…
Emmanuel Macron Asks USA For Help, Biden Replies, ‘Draw Me Like One Of Your French Girls’
Washington, D.C. – In a disastrous attempt to flirt with Emmanuel Macron, Joe Biden reportedly asked the French President to ‘Draw me like one of your French girls,’ in a recent phone call. The remark came after Biden watched James Cameron’s Titanic, again. The fictional president claims the film ‘calms him down.’ Particularly the end,…
Center For Global Warming Preparedness Opens Doors On Long Beach Waterfront
LONG BEACH, CA — The Center for Global Warming Preparedness has opened its doors on the beautiful waterfront of Long Beach, California. The new $932 million dollar location will allow climatologists to focus on the thankless job of warning Americans of how deadly rising sea levels will be. Tours of the building began this week,…