LONG BEACH, CA — The Center for Global Warming Preparedness has opened its doors on the beautiful waterfront of Long Beach, California. The new $932 million dollar location will allow climatologists to focus on the thankless job of warning Americans of how deadly rising sea levels will be.
Tours of the building began this week, and guests are being asked to remove their shoes before entering.
“Sorry, we just want the carpets to last. We can get thirty years out of this flooring if we don’t allow shoes,” a climate scientist said. “Anyway, as I was saying, we only have about eight more years of survivability on Earth. So thanks a lot, capitalism! Oh—almost forgot, don’t forget to swing by the gift shop on your way out.”
A private airport just west of the building is also on the way. Soon a large section of the ocean will be paved over to provide a five-hundred-foot runway for the roughly two hundred private jets that arrive daily.
Update: The city of Long Beach has asked the staff to pay for normal weekly trash service and stop dumping all the waste directly into the ocean. However, the climatologists insist their method is more sustainable since dolphins will probably eat all the garbage.
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