WASHINGTON, D.C.– The pressure to place Joe Biden into a medically induced coma reached a level on Monday after the fictional president went on an angry rant blaming the Amish for costing America victory in World War II.
“And don’t get me started on the Amish!” a fuming Biden began. “America was so close to defeating those [explicit] Nazis, but then the Amish rode up to Normandy on their horses. They double-crossed us!” Biden yelled. Then Biden became emotional as he whispered, “Barrack was so heartbroken when he had to tell the Amish to ride back to Pennsylvania. There’s a reason it was called the Trail of Tears, folks. I’m not joking.”
The press, overwhelmingly Democrats, reflexively agreed with Biden.
“YEAH! I can’t believe those Amish bastards helped Germany win—and now we’re all speaking German!” was loudly yelled by Chris Wallace in English.
CNN, who carried Biden’s comments live, scrambled to defend the fictional president.
“Well, Biden raises a.. uhhh, good point because the Amish didn’t really help much in World War II,” Don Lemon said. “It’s a fact that the Amish didn’t invent any of the technology that would have helped.”
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