On Wednesday Republican Josh Hawley tweeted that he was not super thrilled that Joe Biden stole the Presidential election. Naturally, Americans sat back and waited for Wal-Mart’s response. Minutes later, the megastore came out swinging. “Sum ting wong with Josh Hawree! Bidon win! Hawree so redicurus!” their tweet read. It was an odd response that,…
Category: World & Weather
Brian Stelter Makes Quick Trip To Pakistan Before They Assign All The Genders
Minutes after Congress made the prudent decision to give Pakistan $25 million for gender studies, CNN’s Brian Stelter was packing his bags. “I heard they’re going to be assigning genders and I just really need to be there for that,” Stelter said. “Can’t miss this opportunity.” As Washington elites pointed out, it costs around $25…
Andrew Yang: ‘Can’t We Have People Wear A German Patch Or Something To Show They’ve Been Vaccinated?’
Gang leader turned failed presidential candidate, Andrew Yang, is calling for a way people can provide proof that they have been vaccinated for COVID-19. “We’ve already done the hard part by imprisoning everyone. So like, can’t we get the people who’ve already been vaccinated to wear one of those identifying patches the Germans used?” Yang…
Adam Schiff Pretty Sure Rudolph Guided Sled in Exchange for Acceptance From Peers
Most Americans believed they had rid themselves of Adam Schiff and his unfounded accusations. At least for Christmas. Not so fast. Schiff and House Democrats now have reason to believe Santa Claus and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer entered an elaborate scheme to exchange peer acceptance for a well-lit sleigh ride. “This quid pro quo is…
“I Have Nothing To Do With China!” Eric Swalwell Yells While Dressed As Hello Kitty
A furious Eric Swalwell stormed out of his house Thursday to confront the reporters gathered on his lawn. He demanded to set the record straight after it was learned that, due to his inability to make any real friends, the Chinese government filled his life with spies. Unfortunately for the congressman, he forgot he was…