Most WWE wrestlers moonlight as foreign affairs experts and John Cena is no exception. So after reviewing his latest Fast & Furious film, Cena noticed a grave and insensitive error that will certainly outrage the Chinese Communist Party. He posted an apology video in Mandarin, addressing the sin: “We were way out of line for using…
Category: World & Weather
Hannity Secures Cease-Fire Between Dan Bongino And Geraldo Rivera
A cease-fire between Dan Bongino and Geraldo Rivera took effect Thursday after Sean Hannity finally convinced Rivera to stop throwing wadded up pieces of paper at a screen showing Bongino’s face. Sparks flew again this week when Bongino said he doesn’t take political advice from ‘lunatic walrus men’. This provoked Geraldo to scream, “I’m sick of…
Republicans Demand All Children Be Unmasked Except Greta Thunberg
Republican voters are demanding the unmasking of school children, but they’re willing to compromise. “If we must muzzle the face of a child, we offer Greta Thunberg as tribute,” concerned parent Melissa Perkins told Tucker Carlson. “We don’t believe the virus is especially dangerous to children, but we’d like to be extra careful with Greta.”…
CIA: 'Poor Twerking Technique Biggest Threat To National Security'
Improper Twerking technique presents the gravest threat to the United States, according to a recent report from the Central Intelligent Agency. In the report, alarming levels of citizens in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, 80’s and 90’s are either not proficient in twerking or worse, they don’t know what it is and assume…
CIA Recruitment Video Highlights First Knife-Wielding, Paranoid Schizophrenic, Pansexual Hire
By now you’ve seen the 2-minute CIA recruitment video featuring Nathan, the agency’s first-ever knife-wielding, paranoid schizophrenic, pansexual hire. “BlaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAHHHHHHHH!!!” screamed Nathan in the inspiring video. “They’re listening to me right now! You’ll never find the Squirrel King!” As the video continued, the voice of John Brennan proudly described what the hire means to the…