Republican voters are demanding the unmasking of school children, but they’re willing to compromise.
“If we must muzzle the face of a child, we offer Greta Thunberg as tribute,” concerned parent Melissa Perkins told Tucker Carlson. “We don’t believe the virus is especially dangerous to children, but we’d like to be extra careful with Greta.”
Thunberg was furious to learn American children would soon be going maskless. She then vowed to do what any science-loving Democrat would.
“How dare you!” she yelled. “I am getting the vaccine twice a day until we re-mask the children,” she yelled before boarding her private Gulfstream G700.
True to her word, Thunberg has now taken over a dozen vaccine dosages and grown sizable patches of hair on the palms of her hands. Her skin now must be held together with duct tape, and doctors are also monitoring the lizard-type tail she appears to be growing.
“We were afraid of this,” a concerned Dr. Fauci said. “She’s turning into George Soros.”
Update: After looking in the mirror, an even more angry Greta called Johnson & Johnson and demanded to know what happened to her beautiful smile.