A cease-fire between Dan Bongino and Geraldo Rivera took effect Thursday after Sean Hannity finally convinced Rivera to stop throwing wadded up pieces of paper at a screen showing Bongino’s face.
Sparks flew again this week when Bongino said he doesn’t take political advice from ‘lunatic walrus men’. This provoked Geraldo to scream, “I’m sick of you, punk! I’m a 10-time Emmy winner and people say I make love like Tom Selleck! Here–I can prove it!” he said ripping off his shirt.
“I worked all through the night on this cease-fire,” an exhausted Hannity said. “But this conflict is simple to explain; Dan wants Geraldo to stop attacking him, and Geraldo wants Dan wiped off the face of the Earth.”
Bongino has agreed to de-escalate his use of facts directed towards Geraldo, but critics are still claiming the battle is far too one-sided.
“This simply isn’t fair,” John Oliver told his audience. “Bongino is far more advanced than Geraldo. Make it a fair fight for [explicit] sake! Have Geraldo debate Juan Williams.”
Update: Sadly, Washington’s other one-sided war was unable to reach a cease-fire agreement as Rand Paul continues to destroy Anthony Fauci.