Give the Democrats credit for this; they know what they want. And what they want is for Joe Biden to stop being white. This is why many on the left were shocked to see the former VP, again, show up to the White House still white. “We specifically laid out the DNC requirements for Joe…
Category: U.S. News
Trump Appoints The Charmin Bears To Head EPA
Donald Trump has appointed the Charmin Bears to run the Department of Environmental Protection Agency. The President’s reasoning for the appointment was simple; “Have you seen those bears clean?” Trump said in the press conference. “I mean, if they can clean our nation like they do those hineys, we’ll be in tremendous shape!” he concluded.…
Unable To Grant Full Reparations, White People Opt To Extend $100 itunes Gift Card
Although the idea of offering reparations to Black Americans has picked up steam, it was recently decided such payments would not be made. However, the nation’s white people have agreed to offer the next best thing: a $100 itunes gift card. “We think this is a great compromise,” Alison Kimball of Green Bay told The…
Dairy Queen Announces Breakfast Menu
You’ll soon have another fast-food breakfast option for your morning commute. Beginning July 1st, all Dairy Queen restaurants will offer an exciting breakfast menu. “Frankly, we’re not sure why we didn’t think of this sooner,” Dairy Queen CEO, John Gainor, told The Glorious American. “It’s so simple. We just take a regular blizzard and shove…
United Airlines Will Now Allow Emotional Support Komodo Dragons On Board
In a press release on Thursday, United Airlines announced they will now allow emotional support Komodo Dragons to accompany passengers. This news comes days after the deadly lizard mauled several passengers on a San Francisco-to-Atlanta flight. “Yeah, that Komodo Dragon wasn’t an emotional support one,” said a PR spokesperson. “That shouldn’t have happened. We’re embarrassed.…