Portlanders are abuzz with the rumor that the ultra-popular In-N-Out Burger chain might be coming to the Rose City.
Several sources within the restaurant tell The Glorious American they’ve sent some of their top chefs to Portland area to interview local cows.
“In-N-Out requires a special cow,” said chief Ingredient expert Mark Spink. “Everyone knows the best, most tasty cows live in the greater Los Angeles area, but we’re willing to interview some from the Pacific Northwest. Just to gauge their interest on being slaughtered,” Spink told us as he called in the next cow over for questioning.
But Portlanders shouldn’t get too excited just yet. Some of the early results are revealing a Northwest cow is very different from a Los Angeles cow. “For one thing, these cows up here aren’t covered in graffiti” Mark Spink commented. “In LA, we know a cow is just about ready for slaughter when several of the local gangs have made their mark on the animal.”
The interviews should be concluded soon, but the process has slowed as In-N-Out has learned that many Portland-region cows are actually farmers’ pets and are not intended for slaughter.