WASHINGTON, DC — Kamala Harris won’t stand for rude and lazy stereotypes. On Wednesday, she stood up for the interracial, non-gendered community in a big way. “Listen to me. Everyone, stop covering your ears for a second. I’ve got most of the cackling out of my system. I want you to hear what I’m about…
Category: U.S. News
Family Moves To California
OAKLAND — In a shocking story that’s shocking the nation, The Glorious American can confirm that the Blakely family is moving from Kansas to California. Again, we repeat, that’s from Kansas to California. Economists and psychologists have been working around the clock to explain how this happened but have yet to find answers. “Go west, right?” Rob…
My Roommate Stopped Letting Me Use His HBO Max Login. Is This Another January 6th?
It’s me/zi/zoy again, Libby McTardo, and I’m literally shaking right now. Why? Because my idiot roommate, Blake stopped letting me use his HBO Max login. And I’m left wondering if this is January 6th all over again. As many of you know, I spent lockdowns with my last roommate, Twilight the pansexual. I wouldn’t let her leave the…
Kamala Harris Threatens To Quit Race If Not Treated Better
WASHINGTON, DC – There are murmurs coming from the Kamala camp, and they are getting rather loud. Here’s what they’re saying: Willie Brown’s girlfriend worked too hard to be treated this way. And if Americans aren’t careful, she’ll quit. From the beginning of this administration, Harris was given impossible tasks: stop cackling into the faces of…
Biden Insists On Singing National Anthem, Accidentally Sings Baby Shark
WASHINGTON, DC–Despite White House staff begging for him not to, Joe Biden insisted on serenading all nine of his loyal supporters with the National Anthem. However, his staff’s worst fears were realized when he promptly began singing ‘Baby Shark.’ “We knew whatever came out of his mouth wouldn’t come close to the National Anthem,” an…