OAKLAND — In a shocking story that’s shocking the nation, The Glorious American can confirm that the Blakely family is moving from Kansas to California.
Again, we repeat, that’s from Kansas to California.
Economists and psychologists have been working around the clock to explain how this happened but have yet to find answers.
“Go west, right?” Rob Blakley began. “We just always wanted to move to the Golden State,” he said while sweeping a pile of needles off his new porch with his foot. “They must have just had a blood drive here or something,” he wondered aloud.
Wife, Sarah Blakely also reported the move was off to a good start commenting that the warning of horrible California traffic seems to be overblown.
“Getting to California was a breeze! It was a totally empty highway,” Sarah said. Now, the roads heading out of the state were completely packed with U-hauls, but getting here was a piece of cake!”
The family said they were sad to leave their friends and family in Kansas, but they were happy to at least still be living amongst the beautiful, wild buffalo. We informed them California does not have any buffalo, to which they replied, “Well, then what animal could have left that on the sidewalk?!”
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