Civil rights leader and all-around man’s man, Colin Kaepernick, has informed the country that our new national anthem will be footage of Kamala Harris cackling. “It must be on a loop and you can’t plug your ears,” Kaepernick announced on the ESPN show Goooooo, Democrats! “Everyone at the sporting event will have their hearts filled…
Category: U.S. News
Bill De Blasio: ‘When They Go Low, We Get High’
Speaking at the Democratic convention while holding a bag of Funyuns, New York City Mayor, Bill De Blasio made a slight revision to Michelle Obama’s famous saying. “Listen up, everyone. It’s been said many times, and I’ll say it again. When they go low, we get high. Got it?” he said looking into the wrong camera. …
Democrats Furious President Trump Made The US Postal Service Incompetent For Last 25 Years
It recently came to light that President Trump made the US Postal Service incompetent for the last 25 years and Democrats are demanding answers. “We now see he’s been plotting since around 1995,” NBC’s Chuck Todd explained on his Sunday show. “For decades Donald Trump has been making the post offices less reliable each month…
So Sweet! Kamala Harris Gives Joe Biden A Beautiful Office Chair As Thank You Present
It was a touching scene on Wednesday when newly appointed VP, Kamala Harris gave Joe Biden a beautiful office chair as a thank you present. “Waaaaa?” Biden said stumbling into the room holding onto Harris’ arm. “It’s for you, Joe!” Kamala said. “Now go run over there and plop on that chair! Give it a…
Pelosi: Seattle Area Taken By Antifa Should Be Given 11 Electoral College Votes
On Thursday Nancy Pelosi argued the area dubbed “Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone” should be given eleven Electoral College votes. The region, nicknamed ‘CHAZ’, was aggressively taken over by thirty-year-olds who hate their fathers and smell of wet socks. “Even though they’re a sovereign nation, their values still represent that of everyday Americans. Especially the raping…