Civil rights leader and all-around man’s man, Colin Kaepernick, has informed the country that our new national anthem will be footage of Kamala Harris cackling.
“It must be on a loop and you can’t plug your ears,” Kaepernick announced on the ESPN show Goooooo, Democrats! “Everyone at the sporting event will have their hearts filled with warmth as they stand for Kamala’s cackling for roughly six minutes.”
ESPN has embraced the idea and much of their on-air talent became emotional at the thought of a six-minute cackle. “I think we should have everyone holding candles as we make people bow to us,” a host suggested. “Also, reparations!” another screamed.
The NFL has seen polling which showed their fans would rather have their ears filled with Cheez Whiz than listen to Kamala’s cackling. But nevertheless, they persisted.
“Professional sports have shown us that fans and viewers will never abandon our leagues,” NFL commissioner, Rodger Goodell informed. “The NBA went super woke and they only lost 45 viewers,”
Update: When Goodell learned the NBA had actually lost 45% of their viewers he screamed the F-word and quickly called to cancel the Kamala/Hillary super bowl half time show.
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