On Thursday Nancy Pelosi argued the area dubbed “Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone” should be given eleven Electoral College votes. The region, nicknamed ‘CHAZ’, was aggressively taken over by thirty-year-olds who hate their fathers and smell of wet socks.
“Even though they’re a sovereign nation, their values still represent that of everyday Americans. Especially the raping and pillaging,” Pelosi explained. “The people in my circles say they’re just the nicest folks despite the bedwetting.”
Fox News’ Peter Ducey then asked Pelosi how these electoral votes can be given to CHAZ as it strictly goes against the constitution.
“Oh, you mean this?” she asked, grabbing the document and tearing it in half.
So far, the citizens of CHAZ have been sustaining themselves with foreign aid in the form of Dominos Pizza. However, the Speaker is also demanding that be raised to $89 billion annually. The small nation has planted a garden, but their process of screaming the F-word at seeds to give them tomatoes is yielding mixed results.
Update: Karl Rove appeared on Hannity with his whiteboard to illustrate how Trump would not need CHAZ’s eleven Electoral College votes if Biden were to actually participate in a debate.