GLENDALE, AZ– Several days after Thanksgiving feast, America’s young Democrats are still disappointed that Tide Pods were not on the menu. “We were bracing for uncomfortable political talk, but I wasn’t expecting to fight about serving deadly laundry detergent,” the mother of 22-year-old Dylan Montgomery commented. “He just kept screaming he wanted kale chips, Tide…

NEW YORK, NY–With World War 3 not scheduled until March, MSNBC executives felt their few remaining viewers needed ultra-compelling content.  Therefore, the network aired a three-part series on ‘Egguity.’ A new social injustice facing eggs everywhere.   The key findings of the report are as follows:  White eggs are more likely to receive the AA grade…

WASHINGTON, DC – According to a new report, Mitch McConnel’s six-minute robocall of him making turtle noises did not inspire the GOP enthusiasm Republicans were hoping for. “Right during dinner, I got this phone call of someone squawking and quietly yipping. I remember screaming, ‘WHO IS THIS!  If this is Mitch McConnel, I swear to…

Greetings, from your favorite and most vibrant Supreme Court Justice, Ruth Bader Ginsburg.  First off, I would like to address the question you’re all probably wondering.  The ‘elephant in the room’ as they say.  So let me just get it out there:  How can I be writing an op-ed about election fraud when everyone knows…

The popular lawn game, cornhole, will soon release a “Millennial Edition”. This version is similar to the traditional, except a massive, gaping hole has been added. Millennial participants are encouraged to throw the beanbag from anywhere they feel is right. Often times this means standing directly above the hole and just dropping it. The inventor…