NEW YORK, NY — Hours after the AP called the Presidential race for Donald Trump, Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski were arrested and are en route to their camp, sources confirm. “Like clockwork,” Don Jr.’s statement began. “The MSNBC hosts said if my father won, they’d be rounded up and taken to jail, and while…
Category: Trump
Little-Known Biden Staffer Finds ‘Big, Beautiful‘ Area To Hold Overflow Migrants
WASHINGTON, D.C.–A little-known and devastatingly handsome Biden-Harris staffer has given the administration a brilliant solution for their overcrowded migrant situation. “You see this big, beautiful area down here? A lotta people are saying this is the perfect place for Mexicans,” he said, pointing to the country just below the United States of America. “Call up…
Trump Criticized For Calling Cat Ladies 'Preppers'
SPRINGFIELD, OH — Insane cat ladies, once an annoying but influential part of the Democrat coalition, are now regarded as forward-thinking survivalists according to President Donald Trump. Because cats are now a prominent part of the menu under the Biden-Harris administration, Trump has recategorized cat ladies as ‘preppers.’ “It’s actually smart. These ladies are stealing…
FBI Accidentally Grants Trump Immunity From Everything After He Buys One Of Hunter’s Paintings
Mar-a-Lago, FL— It was a simple plan. In fact, many were surprised it wasn’t thought of sooner. Everyone knew Hunter Biden was selling his paintings in exchange for the DOJ and FBI to look the other way on horrifying crimes. And while Donald Trump doesn’t have any crimes to worry about, he is lousy with…
Mattress Store Boasts ‘Trump Era Retail Price' In Record-Breaking Sale
MEDFORD, OR—Mattress shoppers at Southern Oregon’s Quality Sleep miss the low prices they enjoyed during Donald Trump’s presidency. So, owners Dale and Grant brought them back. “I remember in 2019, we had lines. And not the kind of ‘lines’ Hunter Biden likes, I’m talking about lines out the door,” Dale said. “But now, under Biden, a pillow costs as…