SPRINGFIELD, OH — Insane cat ladies, once an annoying but influential part of the Democrat coalition, are now regarded as forward-thinking survivalists according to President Donald Trump.
Because cats are now a prominent part of the menu under the Biden-Harris administration, Trump has recategorized cat ladies as ‘preppers.’
“It’s actually smart. These ladies are stealing the illegal migrants’ tricks the way Kamala stole my policies,” Trump began at an Ohio rally. “These ladies are stockpiling next month’s meals around their homes and garages. Under Kamala, they understand that Mr. Buttons and Lil’ Wiskers will soon need to go into the Crockpot. It’s very sad, but that’s what they’re doing.”
“We are most certainly not preppers!” screamed an obese feminist woman on CNN’s little-known pet-cooking show Fluff & Fry. “We just look up to the Haitian community and admire their tricks to navigate this huge inflation that’s not happening. When Trump was President, little Milo was my security blanket. And after I skinned and ate him, I used his fur as an actual blanket. And this is the type of wonderful creativity Kamals’ economy has brought us.” Update: PETA has officially endorsed Kamala Harris.
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