After the nation learned that President Trump has been lowering himself into a tub of Purell each night, many Americans feel it is “excessive”. “I would say your favorite president needs the sweet burn of health,” Trump explained. “I need to be in tip-top shape so yes, I ask Melania to pour 82 bottles of…
Category: Trump
CNN Criticized For Hiding The Word “Update” In Bottom Line
Everyone who watched CNN yesterday had a feeling of great panic and hopelessness sweep over them as the network showed a chyron that read: “Trump asks coronavirus task force to give up.” “Oh, GRACIOUS NO!” Brian Seltzer screamed at the camera. “Would you look at what that says on the screen?! It basically says—Trump has sentenced the…
Trump Negative For Coronavirus, Media Asks Why His White Blood Cells ‘Have To Be White?’
President Donald Trump has tested negative for the coronavirus, according to a White House statement. However, members of the media pounced when the details of the report mentioned the President’s white blood cells. “Oh, I see,” quipped CNN’s Jim Acosta to the President. “Can Americans assume that your white blood cells are white as a…
Jim Acosta Children’s Book To Hit Shelves Next Week
Jim Acosta’s new children’s book, Trump’s an [EXPLICIT] and a Total [EXPLICIT] Idiot and a Total [EXPLICIT] [EXPLICIT] Who Needs to Be Stopped, is set to hit bookstores next week. “I just knew I needed to share my creativity with our nation’s children,” Acosta said in a press release. “The book was supposed to center…
Democrats Demand Trump Administration Solve Coronavirus Crisis Michelle Obama-Style
Donald Trump and Mike Pence are making a huge blunder by not solving the Coronavirus problem the Michelle Obama way, Democrats are saying. “The great Michelle laid out the tried and true way of resolving huge international problems!” shouted Chuck Schumer on the Senate floor. “She would identify what’s being cruel, whip out her Sharpie…