As Bill Clinton reveals more details about his affair, a new Quinnipiac poll shows Americans are a whopping 98% “in favor” of his infidelity. The highest its ever been. The poll was taken after the former President spoke about his affairs in the Hulu series titled: “Hillary: The Beast of Chappaqua.” The poll is puzzling…
Category: Studies & Science
Sales For Mike Pompeo’s Cereal Suffer in Iran
Recent reports show sales for Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo’s cereal line to have curiously slowed. “PompeoO’s”, normally a staple on Iranians breakfast tables, are suffering record low sales in the region. “Sales have plummeted,” explained the local rep. “I can’t blame the economy because we don’t have an economy, but something’s happened. Not sure…
Hearing That Top Donors Are Found in Caves, Bernie Sanders Now Greatly Disturbing the Bear Habitat
“Would you please come and get this crazy Socialist out of here!” That was the message issued to the DNC from Wyoming’s Department of Fish and Game. After hearing from Mayor Pete and Elizabeth Warren that caves are crawling with billionaire democrat donors, Bernie Sanders apparently felt the urge to explore this untapped opportunity. However,…
Trump Kicks-Off Space Force By Singing Aerosmith’s: “I Don't Want to Miss a Thing”
Hidden in the bill that ushered in Space Force was a decree that President Trump must sing Aerosmith’s: “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” at the inaugural shuttle launch. Over the weekend, the President fulfilled his duty by absolutely nailing the song in front of 30,000 screaming fans. Trump insisted on being lowered onto…
Socialist-Style Healthcare To Mandate Cures for All Diseases by Fall of 2021
Standing in front of a banner reading: “We MADE THEM do it!” Bernie Sanders and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez proclaimed they’ve mandated doctors to provide cures for all the diseases by the Fall of 2021. After the rally, members of the press asked Bernie how removing the profit motives from the medical community would accelerate the discovery…