A medical examiner and former Clinton aid has ruled that accused sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein definitely committed suicide using a cotton ball and some pocket lint. “Oh yeah. Seen it a hundred times,” said the examiner. “Actually, thousands of times now that I think about it.” The official autopsy report suffered an unusual delay as…
Category: Studies & Science
New All-Government-Run Hospital Accidentally Leaves Roll Of Red Tape Inside Patient On First Surgery
In what was supposed to be a groundbreaking day for Democrats, the first ever all-government-run hospital suffered some embarrassing news. Reports are that the surgeons, who were performing a routine appendectomy, became so inundated with bureaucratic red tape, they accidentally left a roll of it inside the patient. “THIS DOESN’T COUNT!” a frantic Bernie Sanders…
NBC/Wall Street Journal Poll Shows 17% Of Americans Believe Ridiculous Conspiracy Theory
It’s a sad state of affairs when such a sizable percentage of our American citizens believe an insane conspiracy theory, and yet, that’s exactly where we find ourselves in 2019. In a shocking NBC/Wall Street Journal poll, roughly 17% of Americans do not believe Bill and Hillary Clinton had Jeffery Epstein murdered. “Frankly, It’s sad,”…
50 Years Later, Feminists Still Angry About Flag On Lunar Surface
Despite having 50 years to let it go, feminists and progressives are still fuming at the flag the men of NASA chose to plant on the Moon. “It’s an outrage,” Elizabeth Alpert told The Glorious American. “That horrible flag is what’s holding women back from our own Moon adventures. Seriously, most women are unwavering rule…