In what was supposed to be a groundbreaking day for Democrats, the first ever all-government-run hospital suffered some embarrassing news.
Reports are that the surgeons, who were performing a routine appendectomy, became so inundated with bureaucratic red tape, they accidentally left a roll of it inside the patient.
“THIS DOESN’T COUNT!” a frantic Bernie Sanders began yelling to a group of reporters as the news broke. “GOVERNMENT RUN HEALTHCARE WORKS EVERY TIME IT’S TRIED!” He said waiving both of his index fingers as if he was directing an orchestra.
“WE HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THIS HEALTHY 17-YEAR-OLD GIRL WAS PROBABLY GOING TO DIE SOON ANYWAYS—SO THIS DOESN’T COUNT!”
At that time a doctor could be heard telling Sanders the girl wasn’t dead and she was recovering from the red-tape-ectomy.
“WELL, SHE TRIED TO MAKE SOCIALISM LOOK BAD—SO SHE’S DEAD TO ME!” Bernie yelled before storming off.
While Sanders does not seem deterred by the news, the surgeon is a bit shaken up.
“There’s just so much darn red tape around here I should have seen this coming,” a discouraged Dr. Lewis said with his head in his hands.
UPDATE: Dr. Lewis told The Glorious American he attempted to take a few weeks off to clear his mind. However, the government informed him that, because health care is a human right, opting to withhold his medical expertise would be considered a crime against humanity so he’s now a slave.
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