MANHATTAN, NY—Despite their congress-like reputation of purity and professionalism, it seems scandal has broken out within the NFL offices. And you’re going to want to sit down for this one. Email records show that from 1937 through 2019, high-ranking (and low-ranking) NFL officials called a team “the Redskins” roughly 14.2 million times. One particularly damning…
Category: Sports News
Fox News Hires Consultant LeBron James To Help Fix Rating Problems
NEW YORK, NY — After Fox News fired their wildly popular primetime host, Tucker Carlson, few could have predicted Americans would stop watching the channel. Thankfully, star basketball dribbler and notable high school graduate LeBron James has graciously offered to help FNC with its newest rating disaster. “I’ve seen this before,” James said, walking to…
WNBA Players Issue Ultimatum To American People: ‘It’s Either Us Or The Flag’
STOCKTON, CA– A chilling ultimatum has been issued to the American people from the nice folks over at the WNBA. “It’s either us or the flag,” Tahoe City Toad forward Charmita Daniels yelled into a microphone following an impressive 21-16 victory over the Stockton Seacows. Unfortunately for Daniels, the game was only being aired on…
Affirmative Action Overturned, Utah Jazz Immediately Cut Remaining Black Player
SALT LAKE CITY, UT —As many predicted, the moment the Supreme Court overturned affirmative action, the NBA’s Utah Jazz waived the last remaining black player from their roster. “I was doing shooting drills and heard the news alert on my phone. Once I read it, I just walked in to pack up my locker,” guard…
LA Dodgers Make Uniforms 'Tuck-Friendly'
LOS ANGELES, CA — The Los Angeles Dodgers, one of Major League Baseball’s most erotic franchises, is excited to announce their new “Tuck-Friendly” team uniforms. In the coming weeks, all Dodger players will need to dig deep into their souls and choose their gender before suiting up for games. “We are a serious and professional franchise.…