SALT LAKE CITY, UT —As many predicted, the moment the Supreme Court overturned affirmative action, the NBA’s Utah Jazz waived the last remaining black player from their roster.
“I was doing shooting drills and heard the news alert on my phone. Once I read it, I just walked in to pack up my locker,” guard Jordan Clarkson said.
The Jazz organization, who is still waiting for jazz music to be outlawed so they can change their name to the Utah Corgi Pups, said they handled the Clarkson waiver with class.
“I called his agent and thanked Jordan for his time with the Jazz. But I think John Lennon said it best; ‘times they are a-changin’,” Utah GM Justin Zanik said. “So we need to get with the times, and that means getting Jordan to play for Oakland or St. Louis or… I don’t know, Watts?
Critics of the new all-white Jazz team are claiming the team is now racist, non-inclusive, unable to dunk, and has an average credit score of 811. But owner Ryan Smith is combatting those charges.
“I’ve heard it all. The rumors we’re racist or, my favorite, we’re packing our arena only to swap out the NBA game with massive Pampered Chef parties. It’s like, guys. We stopped doing that.” Smith said.
Update: While denouncing the Jazz’s decision, Joe Biden claimed he played small forward for Utah in the early ’80s and still holds the NBA record for being the only player to make love while shooting a free throw.
Give Us Story Ideas
