LOS ANGELES, CA — Socialist sports fans everywhere are praising LeBron James’ triumphant efforts to finally bring equality in the ratings between the NBA and the WNBA. “Long overdue,” James said as he accepted the NBA’s Award for Social Solitude, or ASS. “The queens in the WNBA needed help. So I stood up. Well, technically,…
Category: Sports News
To Avoid Controversy, Raiders Hire Hunter Biden As Head Coach
LAS VEGAS, NV — On Wednesday, the Las Vegas Raiders made a big step in restoring the public’s faith in humanity by hiring famed painter and long-time crackhead, Hunter Biden. “We chose Hunter because we needed to stop with the bad headlines. It was an easy hire because the whole gang at ESPN adores the kid. Plus, he had…
Trying To Keep Pace With Vivek, Chris Christie Also Releases Shirtless Tennis Video
TRENTON, NJ – Every good campaign demands two things. One, a video showing the candidate awkwardly pointing at objects while strolling through a factory wearing a hard hat, and two, footage of white-hot, sexy, half-nude tennis playing. After Vivek aroused the nation with a video of himself playing shirtless tennis earlier this week, the Christie…
Not One Student At LeBron's 'I Promise' School Has Made It Past The First Page Of Any Book
AKRON, OH —It’s well known that LeBron James holds the all-time record among all NBA players (and non-NBA players) for cracking open a culturally popular book and only reading the first page. Now it seems his entire ‘I Promise School’ student body is following his lead. “The odds an eighth-grader can read at ‘I Promise’…