TRENTON, NJ – Every good campaign demands two things. One, a video showing the candidate awkwardly pointing at objects while strolling through a factory wearing a hard hat, and two, footage of white-hot, sexy, half-nude tennis playing.
After Vivek aroused the nation with a video of himself playing shirtless tennis earlier this week, the Christie campaign found the widest-angle lens camera possible and went to work.
“People want change. But people also want to see a 412lb. man whacking a tennis ball around wearing only an American flag Speedo,” an out-of-breath Christie said after filming 5.7 seconds of him on the court.
While the video of Christie did go viral, many Americans believed they were watching a National Geographic clip of Manatees. And those who did realize who it was, quickly rubbed sand in their eyes.
The often-irritated Governor was furious to learn his nearly 6 seconds of exercise showed no bump in the polls.
“I busted my ass all day, and for what? You people are cowards! You don’t know what time it is! I’ll say it again: what America needs is a strong Ukraine and footage of me lumbering in my stars ‘and stripes Speedo! So it’s your move, DeSantis! Get half-naked and play some damn tennis already!” Christie screamed. “At least do it for the troops! The Ukrainian troops, of course.”
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