NEW YORK, NY — After Fox News fired their wildly popular primetime host, Tucker Carlson, few could have predicted Americans would stop watching the channel. Thankfully, star basketball dribbler and notable high school graduate LeBron James has graciously offered to help FNC with its newest rating disaster.
“I’ve seen this before,” James said, walking to meet with Fox News executives. “They asked me to help when they spent the morning of the 2020 Presidential Election screaming, ‘Joe Biden won!’ six hours before the polls opened. That problem was tricky because I found it to be incredibly responsible and fair broadcasting.”
Many are saying James, who authored the NBA’s unpopular slogan ‘We Hate White People’, is not the best choice to help revive the news channel’s audience. But nevertheless, he persisted.
After filling his hands with chalk powder and tossing it all over the conference room, James explained how he could right the ship.
“Ok, first thing’s first, you waive Tucker Carlson. Oh… you already did that? Sh**. Wow. These mother f****** really don’t want an audience,” James muttered under his breath.
“Ok–fear not, two mega stars are now free agents. Don Lemon and Chris Cuomo! Bring them both in immediately!” LeBron yelled as the FNC executives began cheering in agreement.
“Next, you trade that Neil Cavuto guy. Gone!” James yelled.
“Who are we going to trade him to?” a Fox executive asked.
“No. I’m adding him to my entourage,” LeBron replied. “That man won’t allow any bad news to hurt the feelings of a Democrat. I must have him.”
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