NEW YORK, NY–After mistakenly thinking all football fans were torch-wielding Black Lives Matter looters, the NFL seems to be correcting course by having Tucker Carlson perform this year’s Super Bowl halftime show. The decision was made after the NFL saw the NBA’s last marquee game lose in the ratings to Animal Planet’s House Cat vs. Laser…
Category: Media & Tech
Matt Walsh Suspended For Repeatedly Dangling UFO In Front Of Shapiro Broadcast
NASHVILLE, TN — Matt Walsh has been suspended from The Daily Wire after repeatedly disrupting Ben Shapiro’s show with a small UFO toy attached to a fishing pole. Walsh, who in recent months has been driven insane by reports of UFO sightings, has been desperate to convince Shapiro that aliens are real. “What in sweet…
Anderson Cooper Reflexively Joins Atlanta Antifa To Help Take Down CNN Headquarters
ATLANTA, GA — Last night, thousands of violent protestors tried to storm the CNN headquarters in Atlanta. For hours, law enforcement was able to hold them off. That was until long-time CNN anchor Anderson Cooper instinctively joined the fray. Minutes before leaping into action, Cooper was on-air dutifully reporting how loving and tranquil the protestors…
Vaccine Recipients Uneasy About Small Wire Leading To Bill Gates' House
MEDINA, WA — Many vaccine recipients have noticed a small wire connected to their arm from where the shot was administered. Even more peculiar, the wire leads into Bill Gates’ Seattle mansion. “Is this normal?” a concerned 67-year-old Helen Philips asked her nurse about the two thousand-mile-long blue wire. “Oh, here we go again. Another…
CNN fills 1 pm Slot With 'Good Morning Antifa'
ATLANTA, GA – Because over 90% of the Democrat party now identifies as criminally insane, CNN will soon debut “Good Morning Antifa” in an effort to earn their viewership. “CNN has always been a long-time supporter of Antifa,” President Chris Licht explained. “Even back when they called themselves the Ku K—err, when they were called…