Palo Alto, CA — After years of trying to purge conservatives off of their platform, Facebook has decided to cut to the chase and simply ask all users to confirm that they’re a huge liberal upon logging in. If you refuse to check the small circle next to the words: “Are you a huge liberal?” your access will be denied, and the FBI will be alerted.
“This is simply a way for Facebook to control our platform and maybe some minds along the way,” Mark Zuckerberg said in a statement. “We cannot please everyone, and there will always be people who say we want to send armed troopers into conservatives’ homes to dispose of them. But we stopped doing that.”
What happens if a conservative clicks the box just to gain access, you ask?
“If we were to see someone post that GIF of Trump hitting Hillary with a golf ball, for example, that person would be in breach of contract and would face both real jail and, even worse, Facebook jail,” a Facebook jail guard explained.
Since the login change, Facebook has been a liberal utopia where Joe Biden won the 2020 presidency and has expanded the Supreme Court with the members of Derrick Chauvin’s jury.
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