HARRISBURG, PA — In a rare public appearance, Willie Brown’s girlfriend squinted carefully and, with great focus, managed to say over 900 words. Unfortunately for her two dozen viewers, most of the words were in random order. Thankfully, the media has been working through the night to piece them all into their correct order.
“Now, there will be a little assembly required,” NBC’s Savannah Guthrie reminded her audience Thursday morning. “But I think Kamala probably said some breathtakingly brilliant things yesterday.”
Before being put in the correct order, Harris said the following words and phrases:
- “Children are children”
- “I will shoot you with my gun”
- “School buses”
- “Hooray, murderers!”
- “What is will be why we all must be.”
Yet after NBC News properly organized, it was determined he actually said:
“I am a proud Democrat who can lead and unite our great nation in this time of need.”
Next, the pre-curated words Harris said were:
“Help us defeat Donald Trump. It’s because Pennsylvania is, in a way, our spaghetti toast of our 60 united states! But altogether, this time! So no Haitian house cat ain’t getting no billion dollars! Not ever!”
NBC then reported Kamala actually said:
“I stand for a woman’s right to choose. I will not rest until all women are treated with dignity and the respect they deserve. And ain’t no house cat getting no billion dollars. Not ever.”
It turns out NBC News could only clean it up so much.
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