CUPERTINO, CA–When you complete the next software update on your iOS device, you’ll notice the new feature that automatically adds a minority to your photos. Apple’s new Anti-Inclusion Technology (AIT) is a groundbreaking upgrade that excited the tech world. “Once the software learns a picture is crawling with white people, AIT steps in and corrects…

ATLANTA, GA—Following a recent CNN job fair, the network learned they made the colossal mistake of accidentally filling all twenty-two openings with Project Veritas spies again. The Project Veritas moles entered the network on high alert and were ready to document any unethical practices. However, once the new hires saw how sloppy CNN was, many…

ATLANTA, GA– At long last, CNN has unveiled CNN+, a streaming service designed to capture the overflow of viewers who desperately want to watch their network. “This is CNN and our cup runneth over,” President Jeff Zucker said from prison. “We haven’t done any research on this, but we assume our viewers need more of…

ATLANTA, GA–CNN host Don Lemon made an embarrassing and quite telling slip-up Tuesday night. “Hi, Mom.” Lemon accidentally said to begin his nightly show. Apparently aware of recent reports explaining CNN’s record low ratings, the host assumed it was just his mother watching. “Ummm, I mean… Hi, AMERICA,” Lemon tried to correct. “ I sometimes…

WASHINGTON, D.C.— Jen Psaki is so good at lying she claims ‘literally thousands’ of cable news networks are jocking to sign her to lie for them exclusively. Reportedly, MSNBC, the Lia Thomas of cable news, is in the lead for Psaki’s services. “Hosting a show on MSNBC means no more diaper duty, so I’m going…