BURBANK, CA — By 2035, California officials will prohibit Whoopi Goldberg from ripping off any more of her famous, room-rumbling farts while hosting The View. Goldberg, as you know, has a rich tradition of delivering what she calls ‘whoopies’ live on air. You can see them here and here. “Listen, we love Whoopi. We wish…
Category: Media & Tech
Brian Stelter And Jeffrey Toobin Launch Podcast Called ‘Spud & Tug’
ATLANTA, GA—The Centers for Disease Control is asking Americans to brace for a new podcast from Brian Stelter and Jeffrey Toobin called Spud & Tug. The show, which features the tagline: ‘No Podcast Probes Deeper,’ is being hyped as the go-to spot for both impotent and sexually frustrated beta males everywhere. “Sometimes Michelle lets me listen…
Don Lemon On Monkeypox Diagnosis: ‘You Should See The Other Guy’
ATLANTA, GA – If there’s one thing Americans hate, it’s seeing members of the corporate media infected with ape-like STDs all over their faces. Sadly, that’s exactly what happened to CNN’s Don ‘Power Bottom’ Lemon this weekend when he was diagnosed with Monkeypox. Lemon addressed his nine fans via Instagram Live despite his face melting…
CNN's Ana Navarro: 'I Know How Badly We Need Abortion Because Many Of My Colleagues Have Special Needs'
ATLANTA, GA – Commentator Ana Navarro pointed to several of her CNN colleagues with various mental disabilities while voicing displeasure with the Supreme Court’s abortion decision. “You think we don’t need the right to choose? Look around. We have special needs people all around us,” Navarro said, pointing at the faces of each panel member.…
Woman Finally Subscribes To The Daily Wire After Finding Michael Knowles’ Face In Tortilla
VICTORVILLE, CA– Mariana Lopez makes over 400 tortillas a day in her California food truck. Earlier this week, the face of America’s favorite swarthy Italian philosopher appeared on one and changed her life forever. “Look! It’s Michael Knowles! Such a sweet boy,” she said holding the circular food up to the light. “I just listen to free podcast. But…