BURBANK, CA — By 2035, California officials will prohibit Whoopi Goldberg from ripping off any more of her famous, room-rumbling farts while hosting The View.
Goldberg, as you know, has a rich tradition of delivering what she calls ‘whoopies’ live on air. You can see them here and here.
“Listen, we love Whoopi. We wish her the best, but we’ve got an environment to save,” Governor Gavin Newsom commented. “We’ve all seen, heard, and smelled her enormous bouts of gas during the show. I’m scared we’re one breakfast burrito away from her melting an ice burg or two.”
Republicans, who are surprisingly supporting the bill, have agreed to raise taxes to pay for manually plugging the gassy pit by force.
“If it saves just one life,” Ted Cruz whispered. “If necessary, we shall redirect the funds Trump allocated for the wall.”
On Thursday’s The View, Goldberg told the studio audience she wanted to ‘clear the air’ about the bill. Per protocol, the fire alarm was pulled, and the building was evacuated before a great whoopie was discharged.
Update: When Whoopi eventually released her monstrous fart, Rosie O’Donnell wandered into the empty studio and asked who called her name.
Give Us Story Ideas
