In an effort to keep Californians in a perpetual state of fear, the state has officially changed its motto to “We’re two weeks behind Italy”. “This phrase will forever remind us to prepare for what’s happening in Italy right now,” Gavin Newsom said at the new flag’s unveiling. “From now until the day we die—which…
Category: Health
Bankrupt Business Owners Take Comfort In Nurses Dancing In Empty Hospitals
After losing his restaurant and life savings, Doug Larson’s only source of joy these days is watching nurses and doctors dance around in empty hospitals. “Oh, great. Here’s another one,” Doug said while scrolling through his social media. “This is just freaking great. Freaking fantastic. Unbelievable!” But it was believable. And Doug’s dead-pan amusement is…
Media Praises Cuomo On Decision To Send Cougars Into Nursing Homes
In what’s being called the most brilliant political move since storing classified emails in your bathroom server, Governor Andrew Cuomo announced that cougars would be sent to live in the state’s nursing homes. “This is your classic ‘two-birds-with-one-stone’ situation,” the governor explained to his adoring press. “We’ve been experiencing overcrowding in our local nursing homes…
Science: Only Cure For Virus Is Giving Democrat-Run States Federal Bailout
The all-knowing science has spoken, and it’s not good news for much of the country. It said, if you want a snowball’s chance in hell to survive a virus with a 99.6% survival rate, the Democrat-run states are going to need a bailout from the federal government. Last week, all the Democrat governors met with…
Dr. Fauci Informs Remedy For Minor Knee Pain Is To Cut Off Both Your Legs
How does one avoid the 0.04% chance of dying from coronavirus? “It’s simple,” Dr. Fauci explains. “You stop living 99.96% of your life.” It’s scientifically brilliant comments like these that have dazzled our elites for months. So naturally, everyone is eager to approach the doctor for advice about other medical ailments. During a press briefing,…