How does one avoid the 0.04% chance of dying from coronavirus? “It’s simple,” Dr. Fauci explains. “You stop living 99.96% of your life.”
It’s scientifically brilliant comments like these that have dazzled our elites for months. So naturally, everyone is eager to approach the doctor for advice about other medical ailments.
During a press briefing, a media member told Dr. Fauci her 31-year-old son had begun noticing some left knee soreness after playing basketball. She asked the wise man what he should do.
“Well, in the case of your son, I just worry that if he comes back on that knee too soon, he may suffer a setback,” Fauci began. “What’s even more worrisome is that he could begin putting extra pressure on his good knee.”
“So rest and maybe an icepack?” the reporter asked.
“Well, in the scenario I laid out, we’d be looking at a 100% increase of the problem. Where does it end? Because of this, I would strongly consider removing the legs altogether. It might be an inconvenience, but you don’t want to risk chronic knee pain,” informed the doctor.
Update: The following day, the reporter was thrilled to inform Dr. Fauci with the news that she had taken his advice and removed her son’s legs with a pair of hedge clippers.
“You see?” a pleased Fauci replied. “Using science and math you’ve given your son’s knee soreness a 0% chance of reoccurrence!”