It’s every Democrat’s dream to win the presidency and rule over the loathsome citizens (and non-citizens) of America. So one can imagine the heartbreak Beto O’Rourke felt when he was forced to drop out of the presidential race last week due to the fact that everyone hates him. “It’s tough,” a solemn O’Rourke told The…
Category: Elections
Joe Biden to Host “So You Think You Can Gaffe” on Fox
Sources tell The Glorious American that Joe Biden and Fox have agreed on a 20-episode deal for the former VP to host “So You Think You Can Gaffe”. Inspired by how Biden conducts himself in public office, the show features a format wherein little known politicians from around the country compete to impress a large…
Amazon: Noticeable Surge in Squirrel Repellent Every Time Pete Buttigieg Is On TV
In what was originally thought to be a coincidence, Amazon has announced a noticeable surge in customers buying squirrel repellent every time Pete Buttigieg is seen on television. “It’s actually kind of amazing,” an Amazon product specialist told The Glorious American. “Every time that little feller gets on TV, we see hundreds of orders for…
Elizabeth Warren Argues Her Plans to Pay For Medicare For All Fall Under ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’
It’s no secret that Elizabeth Warren has been feeling the heat for not explaining how she would pay for Medicare For All. Top economists have predicted the Senator’s healthcare plan for all Americans (and non-Americans) would cost an estimated 2-gazillion dollars annually. After Warren was asked that pesky question numerous times following Tuesday’s debate, she…
Vegas Puts the Over/Under on Democrats Saying “Let’s be Clear“ at 612 for Tonight’s Debate
When a Democrat is about ready to say something that will horrify American citizens, it’s no secret they will first say: “let’s be clear,” to soften the blow. Therefore, Las Vegas is estimating the total number of times, “let’s be clear,” will be uttered during tonight’s two hour Democrat debate to be 612. Naturally, most…