In what was originally thought to be a coincidence, Amazon has announced a noticeable surge in customers buying squirrel repellent every time Pete Buttigieg is seen on television.
“It’s actually kind of amazing,” an Amazon product specialist told The Glorious American. “Every time that little feller gets on TV, we see hundreds of orders for 32oz. bottles of Squirrel Stopper Deluxe pour in.”
The subconscious connection between the former mayor and an angry squirrel is nothing new. In fact, the DNC once provided complimentary rabies shots to the candidates who stood directly next to Buttigieg during the debates.
When the shots were being administered, Mayor Pete was reportedly upset. “Oh, c’mon, you guys! I’m not a damn squirrel!” he chirped.
Amazon noted other order irregularities. For example, every time Bernie Sanders was on screen for long periods of time, a variety of hard liquor was purchased. Also, when Beto O’Rourke got lengthy screen time, sales of T-shirts saying: “Come and Get ’em, Beto!” were reported to surge.
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