The morning after some mostly peaceful riots, which left hundreds dead, Minneapolis coffee shop owner, Jake McJacobson arrived at his shop to find it more damaged and mangled than Jerry Nadler’s belt. An oddly upbeat McJacobson recapped the morning. “I said, ‘What in the dickens happened here?’ It looks like the Democratic National Convention ripped…
Category: Economic
L.A. Mayor To Slash Money From Police Budget, Colin Kaepernick Asks If He Can Have It
As the fires that consumed local businesses begin to die down, Los Angeles Mayor, Eric Garcetti believes the protestors deserve a special prize for their actions. That is why the mayor has announced a series of deep and swift cuts to the LAPD. Because Garcetti is a devout liberal and does not have a keen…
Nation’s Police Demand Pay Raise After Getting Rioters ‘Right Where We Want Them’
Every police force in America has demanded a raise after claiming they’ve got the rioters ‘right where we want them.’ The country, which has only four buildings left intact, is not particularly thrilled with how law enforcement has handled the rioters. “What’s been happening is, a group of protestors will demand all the police abandon…
CNN: Peaceful Protesters Lend Helping Hand To Keep Small Businesses Closed
“It was a touching scene tonight in Minneapolis as thousands of peaceful protesters lent a helping hand in the effort to keep small businesses closed,” CNN’s Don Lemon cheerfully reported. The protestors used the little-known technique of burning all the stores to the ground to accomplish this noble goal. Despite many Americans disagreeing with this…
Bankrupt Business Owners Take Comfort In Nurses Dancing In Empty Hospitals
After losing his restaurant and life savings, Doug Larson’s only source of joy these days is watching nurses and doctors dance around in empty hospitals. “Oh, great. Here’s another one,” Doug said while scrolling through his social media. “This is just freaking great. Freaking fantastic. Unbelievable!” But it was believable. And Doug’s dead-pan amusement is…