DELAWARE – After four hours of Doctor Jill Biden yelling, ‘Go faster, ya old poo! Is that all you’ve got?’ at her mighty husband during his mandatory bike ride, the fictional president eventually crashed into a group of reporters, leaving blood and ass everywhere. “Awe.. damn it, Putin! I outta take you out behind the…
Category: Biden
Hunter Biden Clothesline Suggests He's Dating Amber Heard
MALIBU, CA— It smells like love is in the air. That’s what Hunter Biden’s neighbors are saying after taking a whiff of his outdoor clothesline. The rumors are that the business-savvy Ukraniain energy expert has nabbed the coveted Amber Heard as his girlfriend. “Oh, I know that basketball-sized feces stain anywhere, Hunty! You’ve taken the…
Joe Biden Says 19mm Bullets Can ‘Blow Your Pharynx Clean Off’ And ‘Reverse Vasectomies’
WASHINGTON, DC – On Tuesday, fictional president Joe Biden gave Americans another graphic reminder of how badly guns can hurt one’s body. “The idea, THE IDEA that you need a militia of deer in kevlar vests to overthrow the Guantanamo military is… well, that actually sounds like a great idea, but it’s not the point, damn…
Promises Kept: Biden Unites Nation As Everyone Rallies Around How Stupid He Is
Promises made. Promises kept. That’s what Americans everywhere are saying this morning as they join hands and sing together like at the end of The Grinch movie. “Good morning, white male in the MAGA hat,” a liberal Democrat was heard cheerfully greeting a fellow Republican. “Joe Biden is sure acting stupid again today, wouldn’t you say?” “I…
Joe Biden Urges All Women To Wear Condoms While They Figure Out Roe
WASHINGTON, D.C. – With the recent Supreme Court decision, America is facing so many unknowns. Can the government make you raise a child? What is a uterus? Who are we allowed to kill? No one knows any of this stuff anymore. So, while Democrats are figuring out Roe vs. Wade, Joe Biden is urging all women to wear condoms. “When I…