WASHINGTON, D.C. – With the recent Supreme Court decision, America is facing so many unknowns. Can the government make you raise a child? What is a uterus? Who are we allowed to kill?
No one knows any of this stuff anymore.
So, while Democrats are figuring out Roe vs. Wade, Joe Biden is urging all women to wear condoms.
“When I heard Roo versus..uhhh.. Dwyane Wade was struck down, I was so disappointed in the…beef supreme people,” Biden eloquently said. “So, to all those beautiful girls out there, uhh, fasten that bad boy on and sit quietly and wait. The Pentagon will call you with further instructions.”
Next, Joe went off script and informed the nation he would demonstrate how to properly put on a condom. Biden reached into his wallet and pulled out a Subway club card from 1995.
“Quick, someone go redeem this for a foot long!” he angrily yelled. “I need one for something I’m about to do with my sock!”
Just then the Easter bunny came in and tackled the president. As the two laid on the floor, Joe whispered one last message to the worried women of America.
“There is real fear out there. I can smell it,” he said.
Unfortunately, many of the White House staffers smelled it too and both Joe and the Bunny were taken out back to be hosed off.
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