WASHINGTON, DC – On Tuesday, fictional president Joe Biden gave Americans another graphic reminder of how badly guns can hurt one’s body.
“The idea, THE IDEA that you need a militia of deer in kevlar vests to overthrow the Guantanamo military is… well, that actually sounds like a great idea, but it’s not the point, damn it!” a frustrated Biden told reporters.
Once he composed himself, he used his deep knowledge of guns to further explain how dangerous they can be.
“C’mon man, these 19mm bullets can blow your pharynx clean off. You look down and you see your damn pharynx by your shoe. All because you didn’t pass my bill,” he loudly whispered. “And Corn Pop. He once was shot with an AK Boeing 747 and WHAM! Reversed his vasectomy. Had six more little Poppies. Very sad.”
Evidentially, Biden’s staffers didn’t feel America was ready to hear such shocking truths about guns and they began dragging him away.
“And never forget guns cause COVID! And Monkeypox!” he screamed. “The only use for guns is to fight inflation for God’s sakes!”
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