WASHINGTON, DC — A source close to the Biden campaign is reporting the fictional president is horrified to learn about the video camera. In particular, Joe is livid to learn about how these devices can capture a politician’s statements and be recalled at a later date. “They do WHAT?” Biden could be heard yelling in…
Category: Biden
Biden Comforts His Base With A Promise Of ‘A Chicken In Every Pot And A Noose In Every Garage’
WASHINGTON, DC — Democrats everywhere keep getting deflated to learn hate crime after hate crime turns out to be a hoax. Joe Biden, known for his deep political savvy, detected his loyal base is craving horrible racist acts more than ever. So the fictional president is acting. “The supply and demand of real racism is…
Biden: 'We Must Destroy This Nation, But We Must Do It Together'
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With Willie Brown’s girlfriend sitting behind him, Fictional President, Joe Biden addressed the nation that funds Ukraine on Tuesday. As always, his goal was to incite violence and start a civil war by the weekend. But there was a distinct moment of unity: “Now listen, Chuck, the polling is clear; we all…
Fumigation Companies Now Offering The ‘Afghanistan-Package’ Where They Forget To Get The People Out First
DOVER, DE — After the fictional President’s decision to leave thousands of Americans behind enemy lines in Afghanistan, many fumigation companies were inspired to create the ‘Biden Package,’ a special option that forgets to get all the people out of the house first before spraying the deadly pesticides. “People don’t understand how much preparation it takes…
White House: Wave Of ‘Died Suddenly’ Incidences Likely Due To Gas Stoves
WASHINGTON, DC – As the wave of people dying suddenly reaches preposterous levels, the likely cause is something many people have quietly suspected. Gas stoves. If you’re skeptical, consider this: Even Joe Biden is now saying these appliances are to blame—and he’s a legitimate President. “My fellow A..Ar..Armenians, unless you’ve been living under Iraq for…