DOVER, DE — After the fictional President’s decision to leave thousands of Americans behind enemy lines in Afghanistan, many fumigation companies were inspired to create the ‘Biden Package,’ a special option that forgets to get all the people out of the house first before spraying the deadly pesticides.
“People don’t understand how much preparation it takes to knock on all those doors and alert the families,” said the owner of Delaware’s Bug ‘n Shrug. “With the Biden-Package, we just let ‘er rip with no plan at all! It’s awesome because when we’re done, we just leave all our expensive equipment at the site and go get an ice cream cone.”
The Biden-Package costs 2,000% more than traditional fumigations, and all the bugs are carefully relocated to Tennessee at 2 am. Once there, they’ll be given free healthcare, and iPhone, and college.
Update: Fumigation companies have also added the ‘Pelosi-Package”. This service will give one gallon of vodka to each termite, and they’re eventually chased off the property by a gay, hammer-wielding Democrat voter.
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