AMES, IA — Poultry farmers around the nation have discovered 42-inch TVs playing footage of Hillary Clinton in all the chicken coops, leaving many to suspect this is why the birds have completely lost their sex drive. “We’ve got a chicken shortage, and we couldn’t figure out why they weren’t breading. Now we know,” a…
Category: World & Weather
Matt Walsh Suspended For Repeatedly Dangling UFO In Front Of Shapiro Broadcast
NASHVILLE, TN — Matt Walsh has been suspended from The Daily Wire after repeatedly disrupting Ben Shapiro’s show with a small UFO toy attached to a fishing pole. Walsh, who in recent months has been driven insane by reports of UFO sightings, has been desperate to convince Shapiro that aliens are real. “What in sweet…
Top Military Officials ‘Pretty Sure’ Objects Flying Towards US Is White Supremacy
WASHINGTON, DC — In an effort to impress CNN and the Biden administration, the Joint Chiefs of Staff shared their opinion about the missile-shaped objects flying towards US soil on Monday. Gen. Mark Milley (feeling spunky and spry from his morning’s bikini wax) offered his insights. “I’ve looked at the radar, and you sluts aren’t…
Ilhan Omar To Americans: 'What Did Al Qaeda Ever Do To You?'
WASHINGTON, DC — Whenever Republicans need a little bump in the polls, they place a microphone near the mouth of Ilhan Omar. Soon, the congresswoman will say something so controversial that the nation panics and throws more support behind the GOP. This time, it was Kevin McCarthy who whispered, “Hey, ya goofy girl, take your…
Japan Immediately Following Strike On Pearl Harbor: ‘Time To Heal’
As America reflects on the Pearl Harbor attack, we are reminded of the Joe Biden-type wisdom that was given by the Japanese Prime Minister, Hideki Tojo, moments after they destroyed our naval base. “Time to heal,” he said roughly eight minutes after the attack. “Our two nations had their differences when we were bombing you…