WASHINGTON, DC — In an effort to impress CNN and the Biden administration, the Joint Chiefs of Staff shared their opinion about the missile-shaped objects flying towards US soil on Monday.
Gen. Mark Milley (feeling spunky and spry from his morning’s bikini wax) offered his insights.
“I’ve looked at the radar, and you sluts aren’t gonna believe this. This threat? Clearly, white supremacy. Yep. Textbook white supremacy. I even brought the textbook I learned it in,” the general said, holding up a copy of Ibram K. Kendi’s How To Be Anti-Intelligent.
Just then, Senator Tom Cotton jumped in, “But an hour ago, I saw you plow your Prius into some tourists, and you blamed that on white supremacy too,” he said. “Admit it! Those are long-range ballistic missiles. And they say ‘Made in China’ on the side!”
Gen. Milley then slammed his hands down on the desk and stood to his feet.
“How dare you accuse me of running over pedestrians!” he screamed.
But Cotton then asked if he drives a pink Prius with a bumper sticker that reads: “I’m only driving this way because I’m late for my estrogen shot.”
“Oh. Then yes, that was absolutely me. Sorry about that,” the general loudly said into his microphone.
Update: Donald Trump quickly had MAGA hats photoshopped onto the deadly missiles, which successfully convinced Biden’s military to take them seriously.
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