MEXICO CITY— Members of the previous administration were dealt some rather embarrassing news Friday when it was learned that Mexico had been attempting to pay for a border wall, but the US Treasury does not take Discover Card. Shortly after the 2016 election, a low-level Trump staffer received a series of voicemails from then-Mexican President…
Category: World & Weather
'Wow, Those Borders Sure Look Secure' Biden Whispers Watching Jurassic Park
WASHINGTON, DC. –As word from the Costa Rica Government continues to detail the herd of bloodthirsty dinosaurs rampaging through Jurassic Park, the Biden administration still refuses to call it a crisis. “We’ve seen the reports, and we’ll continue to monitor the situation, but that theme park is still a beacon of safety and security,” Karine…
White House Proudly Announces Women Make Up ‘Roughly Half’ Of Those Abandoned In Afghanistan
WASHINGTON, DC — Watching this administration get humiliated has made Republicans happier than General Mike Milley judging a transgender wet t-shirt contest. The globe is now seeing the real Joe Biden the way American voters did just before the 2 am ballot dump. But as Republicans were basking in the destruction of the Democrat party,…
Jealous of Ukraine, Teachers Unions Now Also Demanding Surface-To-Air Missiles, Javelins
CHICAGO, IL– Teachers Unions all over the nation are now demanding the Biden administration supply them with surface-to-air missiles and javelins before they can safely return to the classroom. “Everyone was giving us attention and asking us what we wanted for eighteen months, and now it’s Ukraine, Ukraine, Ukraine! Blah-blah-blah!” a disgusted Randi Weingarten said. “So I told Biden,…
China Threatens US Strike If Nancy Wears Low-Cut Shirt Near Taiwan
WASHINGTON, DC— Nancy Pelosi’s cleavage has frightened the geopolitical landscape, and Beijing leaders are particularly rattled. Due to Pelosi’s bewildering figure, its been learned her heart is preoccupied with pumping to other areas of her body, and her brain is languishing without oxygen. But the busty alcoholic is still clever enough to search the globe…