WASHINGTON, DC — Watching this administration get humiliated has made Republicans happier than General Mike Milley judging a transgender wet t-shirt contest. The globe is now seeing the real Joe Biden the way American voters did just before the 2 am ballot dump.
But as Republicans were basking in the destruction of the Democrat party, the Biden White House somehow managed to spin the 2021 Afghanistan withdrawal into a positive light.
“We have some excellent and inspiring news today,” Karine Jean-Pierre proudly said, approaching the podium. “Under this presidency, we can report that roughly half of the people we abandoned in Afghanistan were women!”
Before she could finish her sentence, the White House press corps exploded in cheers, and somehow balloons and confetti dropped from overhead.
“Gone are the days where only stupid men are left for dead by progressive administrations!” KJP yelled, pointing to members of the press. “From this day forward, little girls will no longer look up at their lesbian parents and ask, ‘why aren’t more birthing persons killed searching for more genders in the caves of Yemen?’”
Update: KJP’s remarks excited the media so much, they demanded music be blasted to keep the celebration going. Soon everyone was dancing to ‘It’s Raining Men’ by The Weather Girls.
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