During the impeachment hearings, Justice John Roberts was forced to remind each party to save their more explosive fighting words for Facebook. “HEY! Don’t make me bring Kavanaugh over here! I can tell you some of that stuff the democrats accused him of is legit—so straighten up! All this nasty fighting needs to go where…
Category: U.S. News
Only 17 Egregious Errors! James Comey’s Parents Proudly Hang IG Report On Fridge
James Comey’s parents, Joan and Brian were delighted to learn Inspector General, Michael Horowitz had officially recognized their baby boy’s terrific work. “Would you look at that,” Brian Comey said in awe as he taped the IG report to the refrigerator. “Only 17 egregious errors. This is some of Jim’s best work.” As Joan also…
Nancy Pelosi Reminds Press That if Any of Them Call Her Unstable She’ll ‘Rip Their Face Off’
On Thursday Speaker Nancy Pelosi reminded the press why none of them should ever call her “unstable.” “Because I’ll literally rip YOUR FACE OFF!” Pelosi screamed as she leapt forward to strangle reporter James Rosen. Thankfully her aids caught her mid-air before she could destroy him. “You see?!” Rosen yelled back. “This is what we’re…
Turkey Receiving Presidential Pardon Frantically Deletes Anti-Trump Tweets
This morning while the White House was setting up for the time-honored turkey pardoning ceremony, the turkey slated to be spared had some cleaning up to do. Sources tell The Glorious American that the turkey having his life spared is named Butters and is a registered Democrat. Even more damning, Butters has done his fair…
Debate Recap: Democrats Show Renewed Commitment to Unify the Far-Left and the Super-Duper Far-Left
Over forty-two people watched the most recent Democratic debate and The Glorious American made sure our least tenured journalist was one of them. Here are all the details you need for tomorrow’s water cooler talk: For the bargain price of $200k per hour, MSNBC allowed Hunter Biden to operate camera 9 for the evening’s…